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Statement of the THETA NU EPSILON Society. Alpha Chapter of Theta Nu Epsilon, 1987. Theta Nu Epsilon is a co-educated society that hopes to bring together a fun bunch of nice people who will re-affirm the individual worth and wholistic unity of each member’s multi-faceted personhood. We work in an integrative synergy of consensus-based harmony. Lies, lies, lies!—all of this, abominable LIES! We’re not sweet and nice, we’re loud-mouthed and callow. We’re the most notorious, rotten, and plain ill-tempered bunch of louts that ever staggered across this campus under a midnight moon. You can spot a member of this secret society, they’re the ones who smell so bad at parties. A Theta Nu eats Ken-L ration for breakfast and eats the empty cans for lunch. We’ve cornered the market on bad manners. We taunt other fraternities mercilessly, particularly Alpha Delt. The unofficial Wesleyan Niceness Code has us immensely irked, and that’s why we’re here. We’re crabby and irritable and we don’t care who knows it. In T.N.E. we’ve made grouchiness an art form. We’re all very nasty (except Dana and Amy, who are very sweet—we were feeling very diverse that day). But in general, we’re real pains in the butt. I mean it. Our parties are like hell itself. The police came to the last one, really, (not the Spring Bacchanale, but the Initiation). A good time was had by all. We have been on campus since 1870, so there must be some fun to be had. Skull & Bones of Yale founded us as their Beta Chapter, but we, (damn Wesleyanites), went whole hog with the idea, and our full name became “The Alpha Chapter of Theta Nu Epsilon, Skull & Keys, the Beta Chapter of Skull & Bones.” If you see the Skull & Keys logo anywhere, duck. No doubt it will be us, blazing a hideous trail of awfulness, a scourge of propriety and “the right attitude.” We’ll be going after Sophomores in October, and give them a Halloween they won’t soon forget. Some restrictions may apply. Void where prohibited by law. Ask your doctor or pharmacist.
The National Organization of the Alpha Chapter of Theta Nu Epsilon 1999 - 2009 © All rights reserved.
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